I used to be smart...
Valedictorian of my junior high, model student, brilliant tester.
Not really anymore.
High school is thoroughly disappointing me. I'm only a freshman (GASP! didn't know that, now did you?) at my lovely new school. It's a governor's school, a.k.a. worse than IB, worse than your worst scholastic nightmare.Why am i flailing and failing so utterly at this utopia of academic excellence? Surely i should feel lucky to be here, and take nothing for granted, and work my ass off for no reward.
It's boring. I don't know if that's really the proper use to use but it's boring. It seems to me to be pointless. It not what i want to do..
I don't EVER want to know how many different chromosomes are in humans, or want to have to use that knowledge! Or how to find the cosine of a triangle, or a circle, or whatever you find a cosine of. I don't even know. I understand that it is the stepping stone to get to college. But do i really necessarily want to go to college.. Well probably.
It most likely stems from my other odd thoughts and decisions, like the fact i don't want to live past 30. To me that means my life is halfway over, and i've spent that half of my life in school, doing things i don't like that will actually never really help me, and it all just seems like such a waste of time, life, and effort. I have a pretty clear idea of what i want to do with my short life and that stuff isn't included. It isn't even in the vague outline. 100% irrelevant!
It all just seems pointless...
i want to live like an unemployed person, or a retiree. I want to take up the days with new dance classes, either a menial job or a worthwhile job i'd be excited to go to, even though it's hard, to do nothing really but sew and shop and i know i sound so very very ignorant but i just want to do what i want.
I don't mean that in the independent way, i mean in the i'd rather sing or dance or act or sew or hell, maybe even blog fulltime? i jest. but you get the idea.
feel free to ignore this entire post, it's just me rambling after a week of exams and looking at my online reportcard.