I used to be smart...
Valedictorian of my junior high, model student, brilliant tester.
Not really anymore.
High school is thoroughly disappointing me. I'm only a freshman (GASP! didn't know that, now did you?) at my lovely new school. It's a governor's school, a.k.a. worse than IB, worse than your worst scholastic nightmare.Why am i flailing and failing so utterly at this utopia of academic excellence? Surely i should feel lucky to be here, and take nothing for granted, and work my ass off for no reward.
It's boring. I don't know if that's really the proper use to use but it's boring. It seems to me to be pointless. It not what i want to do..
I don't EVER want to know how many different chromosomes are in humans, or want to have to use that knowledge! Or how to find the cosine of a triangle, or a circle, or whatever you find a cosine of. I don't even know. I understand that it is the stepping stone to get to college. But do i really necessarily want to go to college.. Well probably.
It most likely stems from my other odd thoughts and decisions, like the fact i don't want to live past 30. To me that means my life is halfway over, and i've spent that half of my life in school, doing things i don't like that will actually never really help me, and it all just seems like such a waste of time, life, and effort. I have a pretty clear idea of what i want to do with my short life and that stuff isn't included. It isn't even in the vague outline. 100% irrelevant!
It all just seems pointless...
i want to live like an unemployed person, or a retiree. I want to take up the days with new dance classes, either a menial job or a worthwhile job i'd be excited to go to, even though it's hard, to do nothing really but sew and shop and i know i sound so very very ignorant but i just want to do what i want.
I don't mean that in the independent way, i mean in the i'd rather sing or dance or act or sew or hell, maybe even blog fulltime? i jest. but you get the idea.
feel free to ignore this entire post, it's just me rambling after a week of exams and looking at my online reportcard.
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Oh dear, I am sorry. Starting high school is quite an eye opener. I am a Junior, and taking IB classes, and it is a lot of work! But, it will all be worth it. I really do believe that. I love those quotes at the bottom. Be happy, darling. Xoxo.
ReplyDeleteLove hearing more about bloggers!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment
Immie x
http://ihlittlewhirlsofskirts.blogspot.com/
girl, woah, okay i don't like hearing that sorry but "poop" on how you won't live past 30. i just have to say it cos girl, even though i don't know you personally it's hard to hear you talk like that and my momma instincts have kicked in.
ReplyDeletei know and remember what it's like to feel entrenched in boredom that you feel you'll never benefit one iota from but really you never know. these are all your building blocks of life and where they lead can be awesome, even if it doesn't seem so at this very moment.
please believe and of course it's okay to loose interest in dull subject matter, i dropped out half way through grade 12 but don't give up on living, please. that thought just scares me, i hope you understand my comment and feel it's alright to speak this way.
also, from personal experience, things really start to get good after 30, honestly!!!! it's true. you become so much more of yourself and define deal breakers in your life for the better.
i gotta say though, i do love that bookcover and hell ya it's okay to feel the burn of anger, that's healthy. i sure hope this isn't coming off as a diatribe, just felt the need to share the care. ♥
I couldn't agree with this more.. I hate the stress of school. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteThe next issue will be March 1st! Our spring issue. (We will be releasing quarterly--that's all we can handle as full time students!)
Oh my heck Kat, this post is ME! All of it, every single word. I seriously felt like I was reading my own thoughts. I soo wish I would not have to go ever to college, or deal with a stressful job that I hate, or have to take a billion more tests on something I don't even care about. I wish I could just spend the rest of my life living in New York, walking through the streets, spotting out unique vintage stores, and spending the rest of my time sewing.
ReplyDeleteHow about we boycott going to school together?
:)