where am i going

richmond at night, as photographed by me

accoudrements turns one today. i was going to take some silly pictures with candy and candles but then i got an unsightly pimple. blech.

anyway, i couldn't really be happier. i know a lot of people could say i don't have much to show for it, but others would say i do. i think i do. at about 150 followers (counting bloglovin') strong, i think my little piece of the internet has made a tiny name for itself. granted, i would love to have better photo quality and better shoots (which are both impossible to achieve with a 10 second self timer and a point and shoot), but i'm really very happy with how far i think i've come. 

 i like to think about where i'm going, too. i certainly don't want to become stationary and sedentary, and i want to get out. don't get me wrong, i love my city, i do. but if i stay here i'll certainly suffocate.
 i do struggle with some things when looking at my life, but when i put things into perspective i find that i can't be upset about my life right now - it really isn't life. from when you are born until the day you turn eighteen, this isn't life. it's just not. there are so many restrictions and rules and having to follow them all is just shit. you really cannot be your own person while submitting to them. i guess for the longest time i've just wanted to surpass them all and not be what age i am but i can't do much of that without a fake id, now can i? but this isn't life. nobody in this stage has really experienced life yet, save for a lucky few.  but for now we have to wait - i have to wait, which took me a very long time to realize. i can pitch fits and struggle and make waves all i want but in the end it doesn't matter.

all i can do is wait. i only have a few years left. if i've waited this long i can do it. and i have things to look forward to - both in the long term and the short term. in the short term for now i have lovely things set up: i'm spending time with some of my favorite people all through this week, and then school will start and i'm taking art classes again as well as japanese, and ballet will start soon after school, and i've wanted to take ballet ever since i was forced to quit by my father as a little girl. and then in october i'm off to see wicked showing at richmond's most beautiful theater, then panic! at the disco is coming and i already have tickets to that, and in february i am going to go see coppelia, my favorite ballet, at the richmond ballet, and in may, since i receive 5000+ pageviews a month i can qualify as a fashion blogger and get a press pass for richmond fashion week.

in the long term? i have so many plans. i can hardly wait for next year to begin applying for colleges.. i have made lists already - fashion institute for design and merchandising, san francisco division: my perfect line of study in my favorite city? hell i even already looked at studio apartments there.  and if fidm doesn't work out, there's always the art institute of california san francisco for fashion merchandising, nyu for the same thing or visual communications or entertainment set design or the san francisco school of digital film making, and there's just so many good options at  the moment. i don't know. i just honestly look at myself in five years, and i can see myself pretty broke in a small apartment with my cat. and i can't wait

i'm done gushing for today, i just really want to thank everyone who reads what i write here, and for everyone's wonderful support. as cliche as it is and as cliche as it is for me to say it's cliche, i couldn't do it without you all and i have a little something in store for you all soon.

things are just kind of good right now.