i want a hippopotamus for christmas

the title would be my 2nd favorite holiday song. the first is the island of misfit toys from rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

i dislike christmas. for purely selfish reasons. i never enjoy what i'm  given -- and before you scoff and think about what a bad person i am.. just think: it's always a true reflection of how much my family/'friends' know and care about me. it sounds so ungrateful, i know. and it is i guess. there's just something about 'here you go, some body wash from bath and body works!' or 'here's a lovely book of optical illusions!' that bothers me.. it's not the price; it's certainly not the price. i tend to favor things the *happen* to be rather expensive, but that doesn't mean i want them as gifts. i mean, i do, but i don't. do you know what i mean? and i always opt for cash, just because i feel like then i put it to good use in buying something i want and will use. i feel wretched when i just can't appreciate a gift.

this makes no sense at all, does it? oh well. but the thing about being an only child in a kind of defunct family is that i have this network of amazing friends instead of extended family or siblings.. my friends buy me little $3 gifts from the dollar store like candy or jokes that go with inside gifts, or even the $1 nailpolish from the walmart up the street. and i love it. they know i appreciate them. they know i will use it. i can't help but be incredibly grateful for my friends. i'm so affectionate towards them all, i think it scares them, but it's because i don't have the typical family. i opt to not have the typical family. i could if i really wanted to but.. i'd rather not. you can't pick your family. i'd rather hand-select my security blanket network; those people who know me inside and out and genuinely care and are just so ... great. and for the 2 or so who know about my little blog... thank you. ♥

well, if you actually read all that blubber, thanks. 

on a more happy (?) note, here is what i genuinely want for christmas. besides a hippopotamus.

1) a tripod. i need one badly. i hope i get one very much... then i can do outfit posts! blergh. i hate when i wake up in the morning, put on a great outfit, say OH MY GOD, OUTFIT POST! and then it's like... oh. how the fuck would i do this?

2) a dress form. lord knows i can't fit one in my room (which houses 2 dressers, a bookshelf, a bed, my sewing table/craft center, and is about 10 square feet. meh.) but i want one badly. that way, i could do outfit posts WITHOUT a tripod, just by using the dress form, i could plan outfits on it, make cute fabric slips for it, and, of course, help pin & sew things on it. the largest trouble with a dress form for me would be getting one in my size; i'm a double zero (gaining weight though, eeeek)

3) a fire extinguisher. this is probably the weirdest thing i've ever wanted for christmas.. but, i really want to have a wall-e moment. just play with it in the back yard. it'd be the funnest thing ever. and would make for great pictures.

4) a holga camera. a cheap, fantastic camera. entirely plastic, with vignette and just amazing colours. i want one sooooooooo badly.

5) a fish eye lens for said holga. pretty self explanatory.

6) viva glam cyndi. i wanted viva glam gaga when i was blonde (about a week ago, haha) but now that i'm a burnt-redhead, i'd prefer to go with a striking red.

7) some scented candles. i really really love candles. scented ones are the best though - i love fruity ones. like pineapple or mango or something like that. i'm weird: i like different scents depending on the season -- fruity in the summer, spices like vanilla or cinnamon in the winter, crisp apples in the fall, and florals in the spring. which makes sense i guess.

8) japan. i just want it all. i'm such a nerd; i watch so much anime. well, at least i used to. don't have the time anymore.. but i speak a little, and they are my favorite fashion inspiration. if you read my store post, i mentioned japan and linked to japanese streets. it's a street fashion site based in tokyo (i think) and it's just grand. 

9) anything audrey hepburn

10) to be lady gaga. i'm agnostic but... she is god. i swear by it.

11) this.

12) to go to a wedding. a good wedding, out in nebraska or south dakota. rustic and gorgeous. simplistic but beautiful. 

13) self confidence. i don't have nearly enough of this.

14) a max costume. i'd wear it everyday for a week.

15) and lastly.. i just want to escape. escape myself, escape this town, just escape. and do it with some damn class and style. almost that i'd-rather-die-than-continue-with-this-treachery feeling. it's not that i have a hard life, it's just not comfortable, per say. i'd prefer a different lifestyle, other people's problems instead of my own, waking up in the morning and worrying about my hair or my nails as if it's the most prominent problem i have. no cares and no worries. and that sounds cliche but... if you knew me, you'd know it's not asking for much at all. 

that's it. it's a lot, and i won't get most of it, but if i couldn't dream, i'd surely die.

(i don't own any of these pictures)

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